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for the Prevention of the Parental Abduction of Children

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The Juliette Gilbert Association exists to promote positive, healthy outcomes for children and families experiencing custody disputes, by helping to prevent parental abduction and alienation. If you commit the crime of Parental Abduction or Custodial Interference, you may discover the very thing you tried to prevent will happen: your child may be placed with the other parent. It will be much more difficult to have contact with your child after abduction. Also, legal fees, court hearings, incarceration, Probation Services, a felony on your record, and difficulty obtaining future employment will make your life more complex. Whether you plan to go on a job interview or pass a background check to be a volunteer in the community, the background check or record will reflect that you committed a crime AGAINST A CHILD. It will not matter that you believe you did it out of love, to protect your child from abuse, or that you felt the courts left you no alternative. Once you have been charged with a felony of Parental Abduction, Custodial Interference or something similar, it can remain on your record for many years. Parental Abduction can be an act of desperation and not necessarily, an act of intentional child abuse. In many situations, the parent has exhausted all legal avenues and financial resources. A common reason for parental abduction is to protect the child and one’s self from abuse. The abductor can feel helpless, and believe the court decision has put the child at risk.

There are positive things a parent can do to diminish alienation and its emotional impact and effect upon children. A wise judge once said he could predict the extent of emotional problems a child would have by the size of the parent’s court (litigation) file. Mediate, compromise and allow your child to know and love both parents. • Respect your child’s identity and the fact your child is a separate human being from you. Your child has his or her preferences, feelings of love for the other parent, has probably bonded with the other parent, created memories and misses the parent when not there. Taking the law into your own hands and violating court orders will not make the other parent “disappear” from the child’s life. Neither will parading your children into court and changing their surnames. All of the name changes in the world will not change biology. It also will not erase the love the child has for the other parent or what is in the child’s heart. Do not attempt to change the history of your child. The other parent is one half of the child’s heritage- in other words, one half of the child. Love the whole child. If you are instilling hatred in your child, playing mind games, creating fear and alienation toward the other parent, having your child make false allegations again the other parent, etc. seek counseling. You are abusing your child. • Become aware of remarks that instill alienation. Some of these include: “You are just like your mother.”, “We don’t have much money because your dad didn’t pay child support.” Instead of comments that instill fear such as, “Now be sure to call me when you get there so I know you are safe,” try, “It would be nice if you call me to say good-night.” • Do not bring additional “players” into the situation. Do not even consider telling your child he or she is going to have a “new” mom or dad. One person does not replace another. Also, after the loss of a child, having another child will not “replace” the one that is absent or gone. We do not get a “new” mom or dad, any easier than we get a “new” child. People are not disposable. Arrangements for picking up and dropping off children should not be made by mom’s boyfriend and dad’s girlfriend. This is between the two parents or close family (court ordered in a Parenting Plan). • Keep schedules and plans simple. Abide by the Parenting Plan or decree, and do your part to see that your child is involved in the lives of both parents. The non-custodial parent should not “schedule” the child’s life. There once was a non- custodial parent who presented the custodial parent with a 5 year “plan”- a calendar of sorts, that outlined every weekend the child would be here and there. Allow spontaneity in your child’s life. As your child goes through various age groups, activities will occur. It is just impossible to put the child’s life on a tightly structured calendar. Compromise when it comes to making the situation as pleasurable as possible for your child. Life’s events are bound to inconvenience you. You can certainly condone some inconvenience, especially for your child. Diminish turmoil and chaos and just keep things as simple as possible. • Allow your child to be him or herself at your home. When you force children to be one way at mom’s and another at dad’s, you create what is commonly called, “little actors and actresses,” or Chameleon Kids. In simple terms, a Chameleon child is one who seems like “two” children. He or she may behave, think and feel one way at mom’s house, and another way at dad’s. They tell each parent a different story. Telling each of them, “I want to live with you” is common. They become peace makers- a tremendous burden for a child. • Do not use your child as a “messenger” to the other parent. Your child is not to deliver verbal messages, notes, etc. You are the adults so act like it. Your child needs you to act like it and be responsible. Adult issues involve adults so it is inappropriate to “confide” in your child about the other parent- as if he or she is your “friend.” • Do not make your child feel bad for wanting to see the other parent. Don’t say, “I will just cry my eyes out if you spend Christmas with him.” Or, “I don’t know what I am going to do without you here.” Provided the other parent’s environment is stable and safe, promote the contact. Help your child pack. Ask about plans. Share in your child’s excitement about upcoming happenings. Once the child is at the other parent’s residence, take advantage of some “me” time! It’s a great time to go for a leisurely stroll, visit friends, read an intriguing book, or just rest. Why not try something new that you have always wanted to do? • If you are a non-custodial parent, maintain much of your typical routine when your child is in your home. Your daughter or son does not need to feel like “a visitor” in the home- (as if having “visitation” with you) but like he or she belongs there. You are family! A child will feel invested helping out. Have a few chores? Your child will feel involved by lending a helping hand and participating in the day-to-day tasks. • Be human around your child. Moms shed tears and dads get frustrated. It’s ok- to acknowledge, “I am not mad at you, I am just frustrated with the situation,” when experiencing stress. We set an example of how to react, control our emotions, and behave in general. We are not perfect and we are going to make mistakes. Acknowledging this to your child teaches your child that he or she does not have to be perfect too. • Take care of you and be the best! You have a child to raise to happy, healthy adulthood. Be your best emotionally, psychologically and physically.

In the legal arena Parental Alienation can be difficult, or nearly impossible to prove. What you can do: Keep a journal and chronology of events Seek expert testimony– physicians, teachers, scouts, etc. Appoint Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) Hire an investigator– either privately, or through your attorney’s firm Plan on many trips to court with major expense Insist on working with therapists, mediators, Guardian Ad Litems and other professionals who are properly trained and skilled in recognizing HAP (Hostile-Aggressive Parenting), PA (Parental Alienation), PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome), Trauma Bonds and similar alienation techniques, and their effects. • Check out your attorney with your local Bar Association. • Insist on constant, effective communication with legal counsel. One missed hearing can result in losing custody of your child by “default.” Yes, it happens. • Form support groups in your area. • Inquire about mediation and alternative resolution. • Document everything. • The “court appointed psychological evaluation” can hurt as much as help. It can also be a money-maker in the “child custody industry.” Question the necessity of it. Inquire about the credentials of the therapist interviewing and writing the evaluation. Contact the governing agency in your state, to learn if the therapist has had disciplinary action. There have been reputable, world renowned therapists who have been accused of misconduct from molesting to voyeurism. Just because he or she has credentials that indicate a Ph.D or M.S.W. does not mean that person is the therapist for your child. If ever there were a time to be selective and trust your intuition….it is NOW.

This website and organization was created in memory of Juliette Gilbert. Ms. Gilbert asked for help for several years before abducting her child in 2002. She said they were abused and she committed this desperate act to protect her child. During the three years they were on the run in New Zealand,, Ms. Gilbert was placed on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. When she returned to the U.S., Ms. Gilbert served jail time for Custodial Interference, reported to Probation Services, sought counseling, obtained employment, and complied with all legal requirements. She often spoke of the intense emotional pain of not seeing her child and the feelings of sadness and hopelessness. At the near time of her death- two years and two months later, Juliette Gilbert said she still had not been permitted to see her child- even in a supervised, monitored setting. Juliette Gilbert November 5, 1967 – June 28, 2007 Informational text on this website is original, and derived from actual child custody situations. It is a result of 24 years of involvement in non-custodial parent/child custody issues. This information is not intended to be a substitute for legal advice and/or counseling.