Updates

for the Prevention of the Parental Abduction of Children

The Juliette Gilbert Association exists to promote positive, healthy outcomes for children and families experiencing custody disputes, by helping to prevent parental abduction and alienation.

Note: Current updates are now located on the Blog. April 2010 April 25, 2010 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. April is also Child Abuse Prevention Month and Sexual Assault Awareness Month. When we acknowledge Parental Alienation Day, we cannot help but think of the alienated children- many of whom are now adults. They are victims of the ultimate hate crime- Parental Alienation. Victims of Parental Alienation have had parents in their lives who will do anything to turn them against the other, targeted parent. Anything. A child often participates in the games and drama and is rewarded for bad, disrespectful behavior toward the targeted parent. Alienators throw away birthday cards sent by the other parent, refuse contact between the child and the other parent- telling the child the parent did not show up and does not love him or her, orchestrate a child to go to a therapist and say the targeted parent abused, listen in on phone conversations between the targed parent and child, refuse to comply with court orders, instill fear in the child that something terrible will happen if the child goes to the other parent’s home, and do unthinkable, harmful things to children. This is child abuse. It is also a violation of a child’s basic, human right to have quality relationships with both parents. Effects from Parental Alienation can be long term or life long. Victims can experience guilt for the pain they have caused the absent parent. Victims may mourn the lost holidays and years- like the absent parent. Victims continuously repeat stories of what they have been told, and their dislike or hatred of the absent parent usually has no basis. Their hatred for the other parent usually does not originate from their direct contact with the targeted parent. Some victims have tried to leave the alienator- even as adults. The alienator then told them they are no longer the alienator’s child. Adult victims feel as if they still have to choose between their parents because the alienator will not allow them to live their own lives. Parental Alienation often attracts an audience. It rarely occurs between just a parent and child. There is usually a “support system” of sorts, in place, which enables the alienator. Onlookers can be directly or indirectly involved. Still, they condone the abuse - even with their silence. Some participants may include immediate family, extended family, the alienator’s spouse, the alienator’s children from a previous marriage, grandparents, friends of the alienator, Family Court professionals, and others. All of the “players” have one thing in common – they are participating in child abuse. Do you ever wonder how Parental Alienation would be different if for example, 40+ years ago, the first time the alienator demonstrated these abusive behaviors, people would have become outraged, said they did not want to hear it, removed themselves from the situation, and/or simply told the person he or she is acting insane? The alienating behavior is usually re- enforced and encouraged. PA thrives and escalates by onlookers. It is a community/social issue. Step up to the plate. Take a stand. Tell an alienator their behavior is bizarre. Remove yourself from the situation. Offer community resources such as counseling. Check your own behavior to ensure you are not exhibiting alienating behavior. Tell your friends and neighbors about this child abuse. Stop it now…before it escalates into parental abduction or violence. Do it for a child.

Candles will be lit around the world on April 25th - Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Parental Abduction is Parental Alienation. Light a candle, speak to media, write an article for the newspaper, put a sign in your yard, and remember and honor the children living in this abuse. Please pray for these daughters, sons, targeted parents and alienators….God help us all. Remembering Nancy Schaefer Family Rights Advocate and her husband http://www.ajc.com/news/georgia-politics-elections/murder-suicide-possible-cause-408021.html http://familypreservationfestival2010.yolasite.com/ Nancy Schaefer was planning to attend the 4th Annual Family Preservation Festival in Washington D.C. July 23-25, 2010. She will be greatly missed and always remembered for her incredible courage and determination. March 2010 When is Enough…Enough? Each of us has a limit. It is a breaking point, of sorts. It is an internal meter that indicates when things are escalating to the boiling point. It is often during this time- that we say, we can no longer continue the court battle, we cannot endure watching our children become more distant from Parental Alienation and we cannot survive another day. So, we snap. There are feelings of hopelessness, and that we have nothing to lose. We know we are approaching the limit although we do not admit it. Some people describe this feeling as becoming “unraveled.” So, a person in despair may compound the problem and abduct their child. The idea is to not reach this point of desperation in the first place Some happenings that could suggest you are reaching your “limit,” the situation is escalating and change needs to occur When you watch a family member experience a heart attack from the stress of your court battle When a family member has a nervous breakdown due to absurd false allegations of sexual abuse he inflicted on your child When you fear history will repeat itself and a family member or yourself will be falsely accused of a felony – molesting your child, yet again When you are terrified to be with your child – even at the park, because you are afraid he or she will fall and you will have to prove again that you did not abuse When attorneys have been paid hundreds of thousands of dollars and nothing positive is being accomplished – only further false allegations, continuous visits from Children’s Protective Service and Parental Alienation When you are homeless because you have given your attorney all of the money you possess, to continue litigation When you- the parent, are spiraling into deep depression When you do not get enough sleep to function through a day because of the stress When you - the parent, want to escape the pain and “numb” yourself with drugs When Parental Alienation is passing into a new generation- starting with your grandchild When every phone or in-person contact with your adult child results in being cussed out and your son or daughter screams at you to lose their phone number When your adult child remains loyal to your abuser and refuses to acknowledge or accept the abuse the perpetrator inflicted on you When your heart beats rapid or irregularly, or your chest feels unusually heavy, when your adult child initiates contact with you When your daughter or son who has had little contact, marries and the spouse is now cruel to you too- despite not knowing you When you accept that 28 year old parents have strokes, go into comas and spend the rest of their lives learning to talk and walk again- because their blood pressures are off the charts due to the stress. What could the turmoil do to a parent who is twice this age? When you feel like your daughter or son does nothing but “chip away” at the core of your heart and soul ( “chip away” is a common way parents describe the deliberate, continuous drama and upsets that emotionally exhaust them) When you pick up the phone and check airfares to other states or countries to abduct your child When you pray to God each night to take you because you do not want to live another day separated from your child When you frequently fantasize about your ex’s demise and begin to create a plan When you find yourself thinking about taking your own life because it is all just too much… So, you ask, when is enough…enough? The answer to this question is when YOU say it is enough! It is the time when you stop playing games and contributing to the drama. It is when you may realize that your “relationship” with your adult child is based more on cruelty than love. It has occurred for what seems to be a lifetime…perhaps 5, 25 or 30+ years…you know the breaking point. You must take care of yourself now. You do not owe the world an explanation. Probably many parents go beyond their “limit”- in part, because of some of society’s attitudes. They are bombarded with common phrases such as “Never give up,” “Keep fighting” and “Love your child unconditionally.” If we are emotionally drained, we can begin to feel like we lack something, if we are not capable of being a tower of strength. If your adult son calls you an effin bit-- while bringing your abuser (dad) along in the car to your house – and tells you to “get over yourself” and “get over it,” when you fear your abuser’s presence, is it appropriate for others to tell you that you must love your son unconditionally? If your son and his wife are hateful to the point of turning your granddaughters against you- even teaching one of your grand daughters to call you a “ghetto grandma” because you do not have their wealth…shouldn’t it be your call – and only yours, to say enough is enough? It is not open for debate. It is non-negotiable. Some positive things to consider: Study Parental Alienation and know it like the back of your hand. Understanding the dynamics, stages and effects will help in understanding and tolerating your child’s behavior. When you feel strong enough, turn your pain into positive and help others. Seek counseling. Realize that your child was rewarded over a duration of time for disrespectful behavior. Reconciliation – if it is meant to happen, is going to require therapy, time and lots of patience. Your daughter could get grounded if her other parent notices on the cell phone bill, that she called you. This would mean the other parent lost control and Parental Alienation is definitely about control. Realize when plans fall through with your teenager, - such as you did not receive the phone call she promised, she is probably doing what most of us humans do…making the best of a bad situation. Perhaps she is doing her best to keep her controlled situation at home tolerable. Do not buy into hints and speculation from others that you somehow lack motivation or faith because you are running low on emotional reserves. They cannot possibly know your faith and what is in your heart. Accept that your adult child chooses his or her own words- as in insults and verbal abuse. Although Parental Alienation may have been instilled in childhood, adulthood means we are responsible for our own disrespectful actions. We can only blame our adult children’s behaviors on Parental Alienation for so long and to an extent. Therapy is available to help in healing and growth. It is your daughter or son’s decision to take advantage of counseling. You probably will not be able to persuade her or him. You are not teaching your children anything of a positive nature by allowing and bearing a continuous pattern of abuse. Teach your children what you will not tolerate and that they will respect you. You will be parenting them…they just won’t realize it! Remember that God and you know the truth. We must respect that “limit” when a parent tells us they have experienced enough trauma and cannot continue. It is easy to make judgmental remarks when a parent takes a break from the war or calls it quits. Common sense dictates we are not walking in their shoes. Although we may have survived similar situations and there are common themes, each of us handle emotional pain in individual ways. Most of us believe our love for our children is so strong that it can move mountains. We do not need to be told by others to unconditionally love our sons and daughters. We do it every single day of our lives. Some of us may need to do it at a distance or with a firm boundary in place, but we will remember to love our children unconditionally- with our whole hearts. Regardless of painful circumstances, it is still the most natural thing in the world. February 2010 FAMILY PRESERVATION FESTIVAL 2010 IS DESTINED TO BE THE LARGEST GATHERING EVER OF FATHERS, MOTHERS, GRANDPARENTS AND OUR CHILDREN ALL OF WHICH WILL BE CAMPAIGNING FOR EQUAL PARENTING RIGHTS, FAMILY COURT REFORM, CPS REFORM, STOP PARENTAL ALIENATION PARENT’S MARCH, CANDLELIGHT VIGIL, MUSIC FAMILY PRESERVATION FESTIVAL 2010 July 23/24/25, 2010 Washington, D.C. “Children Need Both Parents” MISSION STATEMENT The primary mission of the Family Preservation Festival is to educate and invoke change in the Family Courts and Government Agencies throughout America that interfere with our ability to parent our own children. Our mission is to educate parents, family members, friends and the public on what is needed to fight unlawful practices that continue to contribute to the abuse of our children therefore moving our country’s government agencies, family court system, judges, lawyers, doctors and all involved with our children to a spirit of family togetherness and basic moral ideals in regard to family. Information and education regarding: - Awareness of injustices in the court system that governs family law - Importance of the ideals of family values and togetherness - Changing the system to realize the rights and needs of the children involved in family court - Making all involved in family court cases realize the importance of the involvement of both fit parents in children’s lives - Promoting the idea of co-parenting as the norm in family courts - Bringing about awareness of Parental Alienation/Abduction and treating them as child abuse and punishable crimes against children - Awareness of the injustices and illegal practices of Child Protective Services/government agencies in every state Our beliefs: - That children have the right to equal parenting time with both fit parents - That it is the responsibility of the family courts to make every effort to include both fit parents in children’s lives - That it is the responsibility of government organizations that oversee family situations to do everything possible to reunite children with their parents - That it is the responsibility of the family court to accept and demand that Parental Alienation will be treated as a crime against children - That it is the responsibility of parents to do what is best for their children in a civil manner regardless of the parent’s ill feelings toward each other link: Family Preservation Festival January 2010 David Goldman is starting the New Year off with his son Sean, finally in his custody! He well knows the excruciating pain of having his child abducted. After fighting a bitter five year custody battle to bring Sean home to Tinton Falls, NJ from Brazil, Goldman finally succeeded. The father and 9 year old son were reunited on Christmas Eve, 2009. The nightmare began when Goldman’s Brazilian wife took Sean to Brazil in 2004- under the pretense of what was to be a two week vacation. She never returned, divorcing Goldman and marrying a lawyer from a prominent and influential family. She died last year during childbirth. Sean had lived in Brazil with his step-father and other relatives. This should be a happy event, and it is for the most part. However, there are some negative undertones. Some of the public comments include father and son flew home in a jet furnished by NBC. (it was actually a chartered flight for employees covering the story) Resentment has surfaced that more is not done to reunite all parental abduction victims and their families. People are saying Goldman had donations of approximately a million dollars, that the child will hate his father for uprooting him from the only family he knew, that this is not really about love- but more about Father’s Rights, that Goldman is not a “real” expert regarding parental abduction, that Goldman exploited his son by putting his picture on coffee mugs…it goes on and on… Many questions are raised. Why do we have the right – or especially the need, to attempt to diminish another’s parent’s efforts and jubilation? If our hearts are so full of love for other parents and children, how can we lack compassion? If others chose to give hefty donations, what is it about this that is bothersome? Why do we feel the need to determine if another parent is a “true” advocate? What do our behaviors and responses to the Goldman case say about us? Any amount of donations can make the battle less stressful. Still, money does not erase the excruciating pain of a broken heart and soul. It is this pain that bonds David Goldman to every mother and father whose child has been abducted. It is universal. Goldman’s pain was no less, he never gave up, and he fought with that inner strength most of us find- somewhere buried in our emotional reserves. Is Goldman a “real” expert? A five year international court battle would probably qualify him as such. This is not the real issue though. Perhaps we should propose replacing criticism and judgment with compassion and celebration. A father and son have been reunited. One father and son…this is huge. Be happy for any parent and child who have found their way home. It brings hope to all of us. How can we not identify with this father’s plight? Have you read Mike Mastracci’s book, Stop Fighting Over The Kids? Mike is a nationally recognized Family Law attorney and mediator with over 20 years of professional experience. Excellent reading! You will learn something! Perhaps 2010 will be the year you pick up the phone and call your child’s other parent. If you seek forgiveness, ask. If someone asks for your forgiveness, try hard to grant it. This can be the year you take that all important first step toward peace- when you ensure your child’s basic, human right to have a quality relationship with both parents, is protected. Do you know how to end the drama and game playing? Stop playing. Every harsh word adds fuel to the fire. It only escalates the situation. Granted, not every situation is workable and there will always be irrational, insane, abusive parents who are incapable of stepping out of their revenge and hostile modes. However, if there is the slightest chance to begin the process of working together, make that first move. Seek mediation if needed. Start your new year in a positive direction! Do it for your child.

This website and organization was created in memory of Juliette Gilbert. Ms. Gilbert asked for help for several years before abducting her child in 2002. She said they were abused and she committed this desperate act to protect her child. During the three years they were on the run in New Zealand,, Ms. Gilbert was placed on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. When she returned to the U.S., Ms. Gilbert served jail time for Custodial Interference, reported to Probation Services, sought counseling, obtained employment, and complied with all legal requirements. She often spoke of the intense emotional pain of not seeing her child and the feelings of sadness and hopelessness. At the near time of her death- two years and two months later, Juliette Gilbert said she still had not been permitted to see her child- even in a supervised, monitored setting. Juliette Gilbert November 5, 1967 – June 28, 2007 Informational text on this website is original, and derived from actual child custody situations. It is a result of 24 years of involvement in non-custodial parent/child custody issues. This information is not intended to be a substitute for legal advice and/or counseling.